If you had taken the long odds and bet me that I would have spent a substantial amount of time in Las Vegas last weekend attached to a blackjack table, you would have lost.

I wish you had. I need the money.

Vegas did dig deep into my shallow pockets, but it was not bad hands that got me. It was good food, incredible accommodations, and mediocre golf on outstanding courses that was costly. I have not done the math because I have Cutco knives nearby but will know the carnage when my Visa statement arrives.

I am thinking about a GoFundMe page, but if you want to slip me a few Jacksons, that works — although I prefer crispies, which feature Franklin.

As for blackjack, I sat down at a table just once, on Friday, where the minimum bet was $25. I spent about nine minutes there, lost $390 while busting just once, accepted the apologies of the dealer, and took refuge in the Sportsbook, where it takes a lot longer to lose money.

I then realized I had not even received a free Bud Light for that $390, so I ordered one from the bar and paid $11 plus tax for it.

I was in Vegas as the New Guy for the 28th annual DI Invitational golf tournament, which was named for the Desert Inn, the original venue before The Wynn. I joined two longtime Lumberton golfing buddies, Jeff Fleishman, a former UNC golfer nicknamed Moon, David Gordon, nicknamed Boris, and 13 others.

At stake was a lot of money, with the low-net guy receiving a sports jacket, the coveted Plaidage with local roots. Stan Sugar, Jeff’s uncle and the one-time owner of Sugars in St. Pauls, received it while playing in a PGA pro-am at the Desert Inn in the 1960s, creating a tradition not unlike The Masters.

I will not use the real names of the Old 13 because at least two are lawyers and will use nicknames instead. They are: The Commish, who makes all the calls; Coop, also a former UNC golfer who will sport the Plaidage for a year; Wasabi, my roomie who tees it up at the Club in Los Angeles with the planet’s funniest man, Larry David; Doc; Speedy; Little Pace; Slow Pace; Katz Daddy; AT, who made a hole-in-one that cost him about $400 in drinks in the Sportsbook; Hilk; and Reido.

McBee, a Dook fan, deserves a shoutout as he played in my group all three days, making us each wonder which one of us angered The Commish. I watched as he missed a hole-in-one by about a foot on a hole with a special promotion. If he had made the ace, I would have watched as he took $10,000 from St. Jude Hospital’s fight to defeat childhood cancer.

All were great and accomplished guys, which I mention because it is true, and I assume there will be a vote on whether New Guy earns an invite to the 29th annual DI Invitational.

My first three meals cost me a total of $436, so I skipped breakfast on Day 3 and on Day 4 opted for a banana, which costs $3.60 at The Wynn.

The golf was played at the Sun Course at Paiute with winds exceeding 30 mph, where I was 7 over after five holes and questioning why I was there before rallying for a face-saving 84. Next was Chimera, where I managed a 75, but did not sniff winning a bet. The best was saved for last, Cascada, by far the most beautiful golf course I have ever seen as all 18 holes deserve their own postcard. The fact that I didn’t mention my score is not an oversight.

Total cost of green fees: $750-ish. The buy in on the bets was $250, and I got none of that back as I was allotted 3 shots, clearly an initiation fee. Here seems like a good spot to mention how much I liked The Commish., not only because he establishes the handicaps, but he is also a retired top exec for Anheuser Busch. I forgot to tell him I paid for his trip, and probably his home.

The highlight was sitting in the Sportsbook and watching UNC, which was getting 5.5 points, defeat Dook, 84-79 with six other UNC grads and McBee, the Dook guy. It is difficult to make sweeter a UNC win over Dook, but the fact I had $200 on the Heels, a random fellow slipped me a dozen tickets for free drinks after overhearing my lament about my luck at the BJ table, and being in Vegas did widen my smile.

Afterward, we made our way to The Sphere, and although I like to think I am good with words, I have none for what I experienced. If you ever have the chance, go. It cost me $118 for an hour’s entertainment, so it was the least expensive part of the trip.

Did I mention that the highlight was watching UNC defeat Dook, 84-79?

You cannot put a price on a good time, although I just did.

Yes, it was expensive.

It was also worth it.